I’m so excited for you and Ryan. I would contact Jason Warren and his husband Greg Smedley-Warren at Kindergarten Smorgasboard. They have gone through this journey and may advice to share.
All of this is Beautiful! Everything you are learning and processing and feeling your way through this decision is truly wonderful. Honestly most couples just are not putting this those of work into getting pregnant and the baby appears in the family 9 months later. You are going to be magnificent parents ! Good luck Ryan and Charlie!
I would’ve never thought of that perspective on adoption, but that makes so much sense for your situation. It sounds like IVF was the right choice for your family all along 🫶🏼
Please remember that even with IVF, your child still has a story before you, in its biological heritage. The ideal situation would be to use eggs from your sisters, but not everyone is comfortable with that. There will still be genetics involved, with your child wondering what their biological mother looks like or what other traits they inherited from her. It can be painful for these kids, even in the best of families.
I’m an adoptive mama. Adoption is less sunshine and roses than what people want you to believe. There’s a lot of hard work I put into the bio family, only to realize we needed to prioritize our mental health first. There is no easy alternative path to creating a family, but I feel IVF will give you exactly what you are seeking.
I know quite a few couples who have adopted newborns and it is not all peaches and cream. Many grow up to suffer from abandonment feelings or not looking like their adoptive parents or siblings. Many are born to young girls who received no prenatal care or drank/ experimented with drugs until they finally admit they are pregnant. It is not selfish to want a child that looks like you or shares some of your talents. And if you decide to have another child, using the same surrogate may give both of your children a sense of belonging to each other. Just thoughts to think about.
Beautiful. I just finished some continuing education on Foundations of Perinatal & Postpartum Dynamics, and it actually touched on a lot of what you shared about adoption, connection, identity, and the desire to feel biologically tied to your child. I’d love to send you some of the science, studies, and research around it sometime if you’d ever want to read through it.
Honestly, bringing a child into your family biologically for the reasons you shared is such a valid and deeply human decision. There’s so much we continue learning about intergenerational biology, epigenetics, and how parts of us are carried forward through generations.
There’s a book called You Are What Your Grandparents Ate that touches on some of these ideas in a really accessible way. It’s fascinating food for thought.
It seems you have given a lot of thought for your reasons of wanting a child and specifically a biological child. A perspective on what it feels like to grow up without a mother by two dads who were loving and kind (one of them being the biological father):
I’ve adopted including my grandsons. There is no right or wrong way. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. If you every do decide on adoption, fostering, I’d be happy to share info that’s imperative to know.
As a mom who has both biological and adopted child I can confirm what you said. Definitely so many layers.
Also with an egg donor, you will still have the layer of birth family to some degree. You will still have a birth mother and or egg donor, whether you know them or not it is still going to be part of your child’s story. They are still going to have either unknowns about a women who gave them life or an extra relationship to foster.
I’m not saying this to dissuade you in any way. Simply as an observation.
Everyone's journey looks different for parenthood. I am so happy you two have found what is going to work best for you! So excited to watch your path go forward...you guys deserve to have it all!
I’m so excited for you and Ryan. I would contact Jason Warren and his husband Greg Smedley-Warren at Kindergarten Smorgasboard. They have gone through this journey and may advice to share.
All of this is Beautiful! Everything you are learning and processing and feeling your way through this decision is truly wonderful. Honestly most couples just are not putting this those of work into getting pregnant and the baby appears in the family 9 months later. You are going to be magnificent parents ! Good luck Ryan and Charlie!
I would’ve never thought of that perspective on adoption, but that makes so much sense for your situation. It sounds like IVF was the right choice for your family all along 🫶🏼
Thank you for reading!
Please remember that even with IVF, your child still has a story before you, in its biological heritage. The ideal situation would be to use eggs from your sisters, but not everyone is comfortable with that. There will still be genetics involved, with your child wondering what their biological mother looks like or what other traits they inherited from her. It can be painful for these kids, even in the best of families.
We plan to be very very open with our kids. We want them to know exactly who they are and where they came from! 🫶
🥹 Love this so much! You guys are going to have some SERIOUSLY loved kiddos! 🥰
So beautiful! So happy for the both of you.
I am so excited for you both and for the very blessed child that you will have! JudyWalburger
I admire your courage to stand for what you believe is the right choice. Can’t wait to see where you go from here.
Thank you for sharing this. I love this perspective you are sharing with the world
I’m an adoptive mama. Adoption is less sunshine and roses than what people want you to believe. There’s a lot of hard work I put into the bio family, only to realize we needed to prioritize our mental health first. There is no easy alternative path to creating a family, but I feel IVF will give you exactly what you are seeking.
I know quite a few couples who have adopted newborns and it is not all peaches and cream. Many grow up to suffer from abandonment feelings or not looking like their adoptive parents or siblings. Many are born to young girls who received no prenatal care or drank/ experimented with drugs until they finally admit they are pregnant. It is not selfish to want a child that looks like you or shares some of your talents. And if you decide to have another child, using the same surrogate may give both of your children a sense of belonging to each other. Just thoughts to think about.
Beautiful. I just finished some continuing education on Foundations of Perinatal & Postpartum Dynamics, and it actually touched on a lot of what you shared about adoption, connection, identity, and the desire to feel biologically tied to your child. I’d love to send you some of the science, studies, and research around it sometime if you’d ever want to read through it.
Honestly, bringing a child into your family biologically for the reasons you shared is such a valid and deeply human decision. There’s so much we continue learning about intergenerational biology, epigenetics, and how parts of us are carried forward through generations.
There’s a book called You Are What Your Grandparents Ate that touches on some of these ideas in a really accessible way. It’s fascinating food for thought.
It seems you have given a lot of thought for your reasons of wanting a child and specifically a biological child. A perspective on what it feels like to grow up without a mother by two dads who were loving and kind (one of them being the biological father):
https://youtu.be/Yk0-FxDrOr8
I’ve adopted including my grandsons. There is no right or wrong way. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. If you every do decide on adoption, fostering, I’d be happy to share info that’s imperative to know.
The last line gave me chills! ❤️
As a mom who has both biological and adopted child I can confirm what you said. Definitely so many layers.
Also with an egg donor, you will still have the layer of birth family to some degree. You will still have a birth mother and or egg donor, whether you know them or not it is still going to be part of your child’s story. They are still going to have either unknowns about a women who gave them life or an extra relationship to foster.
I’m not saying this to dissuade you in any way. Simply as an observation.
I’m very excited for your family to grow🥰
Everyone's journey looks different for parenthood. I am so happy you two have found what is going to work best for you! So excited to watch your path go forward...you guys deserve to have it all!