Questions We’re Bringing to Our First Fertility Consultation
The list we put together for our IVF doctor before starting this process.
It’s Happening!
We have our first IVF consultation coming up soon, and because this process is so layered and complicated, I’ve spent the last few weeks doing research and putting together a giant list of questions for our doctor 😅
There are so many decisions that affect timelines, success rates, finances, embryo planning, future family planning, donor selection, genetic testing, surrogacy logistics, and honestly… it’s a lot of pressure and we really want to have eyes-wide-open.
I’m eventually going to do a full post explaining what this entire process actually looks like from start to finish because there are SO many moving parts behind the scenes. So full disclosure, some of this might be confusing.
But for now, here are some of the questions we’re walking into our consultation with:
Overall Strategy & Timeline
Based on our family goals, what overall strategy would you recommend for us?
What does the full process realistically look like from start to finish?
What timeline should we expect for each stage?
What steps can happen simultaneously vs sequentially?
What delays happen most often?
Embryo & Family Planning
Roughly how many eggs/embryos do you typically recommend based on different family size goals?
Should we create all embryos upfront before transfers begin?
How many euploid embryos do you typically recommend per desired child?
What are realistic fertilization, blastocyst, and transfer success rates?
Sperm Questions
Should WE bank sperm beforehand or use fresh samples during fertilization?
Are outcomes meaningfully different with fresh vs frozen sperm?
Does finasteride affect sperm quality or DNA fragmentation?
Is there an ideal abstinence window before collection?
Are there things you recommend avoiding beforehand to optimize sperm quality?
Egg Donor Questions
Do you generally recommend fresh donor eggs or frozen eggs?
What thaw survival rates are realistic?
What should intended parents actually look for in an egg donor medically?
What donor age range tends to produce the best outcomes?
Do you prefer proven donors or first-time donors?
What are the pros and cons of in-house donor programs vs outside agencies?
Genetics & Testing
Should carrier screening happen before selecting a donor?
If carrier screening is clean, do you still recommend PGT-A?
Does PGT-A reduce miscarriage risk or mainly reduce failed transfers?
How do you handle mosaic embryos?
Gestational Carrier Questions
At what point should intended parents begin matching with a gestational carrier?
What are the legal and psychological requirements before transfer?
What delays happen most often with surrogacy timelines?
What are realistic transfer success rates with a gestational carrier?
Financial Questions
What costs tend to surprise intended parents most?
What decisions have the biggest financial impact long-term?
Where do people commonly overspend unnecessarily?
If people are trying to maximize success while still being financially smart, what matters most?
Questions Specifically About Gay Couples
Are you used to working with gay intended parents?
Are there unique considerations you think gay couples should understand early?
What mistakes do intended parents in our situation most commonly make?
I’ll Keep You Updated!
Honestly, as overwhelming as parts of this process can feel, I’ve genuinely loved learning about all of it. The more we learn, the more real it starts to feel!
We’re really excited for this appointment and hoping this clinic and doctor feel like a good fit for us moving forward.